Coming Home to Myself

Wow. What a wild ride these past six years have been.

I know I am not alone in this. I think all of us, in our own ways, have been on our own journeys of rebirthing. And within that rebirthing there has been so much change, so much death, and so much surrender.

Many of you reading this know some of the details of the journey I have been on. It has been life-changing in so many ways—a journey of great discovery, and with that discovery, so much loss and letting go.

I have always been someone who values growth, change, and allowing life to live through me. Little did I know, as I turned the final page on my old book, what that would truly mean.

I moved from a community I loved, from a home by the sea, and from a prosperous and inspired business where I felt deeply of service. I landed in another beautiful place, but one that was so different.

I moved to the Southern United States, where the language, customs, and culture were unfamiliar to me. A land with beautiful, enormous trees and deep underground waterways, but not so much water on the surface.

I moved to a huge, growing city. I began a new relationship. And I became a mom—a stepmom.

Never in my wildest dreams would I have envisioned this life into being.

And yet, somehow, it was so deeply soul- and spirit-directed.

I had to follow it.

I always thought I was good at change. Going with the flow. Bring it on, my being would say, with all its energy.

Well… this change was a lot harder than I expected.

I was blessed in my new relationship and gifted beyond measure to be able to share in a sweet boy's life. He is a Projector too, which feels like its own little gift.

Those were the easier parts.

The hardest part was the loss of my identity.

The loss of my community. The seemingly complete loss of my purpose.

Who was I if I was not the person I used to be?

Who was I when I was no longer reflected every day in the eyes of my community, my clients, and my peers?

Who was I in this new space, with its unfamiliar language and customs?

And how was I meant to serve here?

It hasn't been easy finding my way.

It all began with a huge Kundalini movement in September 2020 and culminated, in many ways, with my move in September 2022.

I feel like the first four years of this journey were simply about finding my ground again. Allowing my nervous system to settle. Giving myself permission to have no idea what was next.

All I could come back to, day after day, was my breath, my body, and my sacred practice.

I learned to let go of the idea that I needed to be in service in a certain way.

Every time I tried to begin a new offering—locally or online—it seemed to stagnate. Every time I tried to get something new going, or to find that spark of inspiration, it would somehow get hung up.

There was no energy behind it.

No momentum.

No sense of support from the universe.

And I have always felt supported by the universe.

Always.

So I listened.

And I slowed down.

Again and again, I brought my energy back to that listening.

I showed up daily in my body and in my practice, and slowly began letting go of what I thought "service" was supposed to mean.

In becoming a stepmom, I was in service all the time.

In losing my community, I was able to form a few deep friendships and connections here that I value deeply. And of course, I have stayed connected to so many of my dear friends back in B.C.

I think I have learned that it isn't so much about what I can offer the world through my gifts.

It is about how I show up, day after day, for the people in my world.

And most of all, how I show up for myself.

I have a lot less computer time than I used to. A lot less stress.

I am more in my body.

I am sleeping better.

I have more energy.

These are palpable changes.

Even as my nervous system and my world were pulled apart, I somehow became more at home in my body than I had ever been.

And I am still finding my home here.

These past years have, in many ways, been a death of me.

A death of a way of being.

A death of ego on so many levels—and I never would have thought I had much of an ego.

A death of identity.

I am still me.

And yet, I am so different on a deep, cellular level.

For a long time I wondered:

Will I ever feel the freedom in my heart that I used to feel?

Will I ever be able to walk again in that space of trust, of universal flow, of knowing?

I think I am there.

But I don't have the knowledge or the agenda of what comes next.

And perhaps that is the point.

I know I am safe.

I know I am held.

I know all is well.

From there, life will unfold.

I am still wanting to serve in ways that support others. I am continuing to offer my one-on-one work, both in person and online, and I am beginning to create a few online circles, with perhaps some local ones too.

I am continuing my daily practices, focusing mostly on breathwork these days, along with yoga and Qi Gong.

And, in another unexpected turn, I recently started a Massage Program here at a beautiful, conscious school.

In Tennessee, you need a license to touch others professionally, and with so much of my work involving touch, I realized I didn't have a pathway to bring that part of my work here.

So I decided to step into something that could weave my gifts together in a new way for the people around me.

It is alternative. It is energy-focused. And it feels good.

It feels good to connect with a community that speaks in a way I understand.

It feels good to have somewhere to go a few nights a week that feels a little bit like home.

And once again, this is something I never imagined I would do.

But I am becoming increasingly clear that it isn't about the destination.

It is about the journey.

It always has been.

I remind myself of this often:

We are all on a journey home to our true selves.

Thank you for being here.

Thank you for reading.

And I would truly love to know how you are.

With so much love,

Asrael

Asrael Zemenick

Intuitive Healing & Astrology

asrael@celestialrootshealing.com

615 275 7070

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